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le manQue dES
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Monday, October 30, 2006
Reggeli skizó
Figyelem: e bejegyzés olvasása alkalmas a lelki nyugalom megzavarására! Ha ezt bizton nem szeretnéd, ugorj.Valami tutujgat odabenn.
Vagy inkább egy vasrúddal feszít, fel akar feszíteni, görcsölök rajta, de az se segít, ha elengedem magam. Ki akar jönni.
Ismered azt az érzést, amikor kettő vagy? Én már majdnem kettő és fél. De ne szaladjunk annyira előre, mert lemaradok a lényegről, ha egyből a jövőre koncentrálok. Csak le ne hányjam a billentyűzetet, most nehéz megállni. Tiszta idegrángás ez az egész.
Ott kezdődött, és akkor, szóval aludtam. Legalább 12 órát, de valójában többet, mert az idő egy órát megugrott közben, vagyis vissza. Szorítom az öklöm de nem múlik ez az érzés, gecci.
Szóval aludtam, és álmodtam, de fáj még mindig. Asszem itt kontrol problémák vannak, elvesztettem a fonalat. Azt álmodtam..., és itt vége. Nem volt értelme.
Nem volt benne egy értelmes szó se. G80-nak megpróbáltam néhány órája elmondani, de témát ugrottunk a keresztutcánál, az átlépett pocsolyába ejtve a dolgot. Legalábbis azt hittem, kiesett, erre most...megint akar.
Nem volt benne semmi, csak értelmetlen szótagok egymás után. Ez az álom egy kész szenvedés volt, kifacsart minden agysejtet. Leagálább némafilm lett volna!De hangzott. Próbáltam megérteni?
Persze, mi a faszt lehet egy álom közben csinálni.. De nem volt semmi , se rákövetkezés, se építőkockák, vagy magas torony óralánccal, se hidden truth, csak értelem nélküli monológ. Vagy legalább párbeszéd? Nem tudom, egy szót se értettem!!
Nyelven túli hangok voltak ezek, nincs ráció, mely egy nyelvet ilyenné alakítana. Küzdöttem az ágyamban, önmagamért, a saját agyamért és tudatomért, az életemért..
Na, alábbhagyott, nem feszít. Most jó, nem akar, benn marad. Benn maradok, lehet nyugizni. Mi volt ez az álom? Már nem is emlékszem. Arra viszont igen, hogy halálos gyűlöletben keltem.
Csukott szemmel vertem az ágyat, miközben durván folyt belőlem az elfojtott gondolathörgés, minden bennragadt lélegzetem.
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HELP!
NEWS FROM GERMANY:
After this hard days night i surf in these nets which seem to stay eternal, at least during my small existence. and i ask where are we going in this case? going lost everywhere.... what is doing my country?
everybody speaks about the no-smoking places. and everybody seems to care of the poor non-smokers. RTL asks his public if they want no-smoking places and 70 percent affirm. It is good. Good and i drink on the health.
Continuing my research in the net. Finding blogs were poor 'Bernie' justifies with this voting his argumentation that the politicians should accept the will of the 'volk'. the people decide. It is nice.
And it is nice that i find in my email account the newsletter of a culture-news broadcast. New information: the politicians are discussing the prohibition of smoking in theatre and cinema. So perhaps we will get warnings in the future like : "Don't think Alain Delon is an idol because he smokes in this scene a cigarette".
I get fear in this country and perhaps i am exactly reacting like they want. It is what Doctor Mabuse aimed at claiming his power of a crime organisation: we have to construct a crime structure. By fear and terror we will gain power.
I am already very frightened and it would be stupid to make a quotation of 1984. but we are already in, and everybody knows. but who cares? not me! only today looking through the net and wondering how people can discuss about the prohibition of minorities.
because here, everybody has to become a clean human being. the clean consists in a healthy character. and of course we should be friendly to our neighbours, and please say the suitable things to your neighbour, otherwise his assurance could ring on your door if he dies of colorectal carcinoma that was caused by your stressing behaviour.
We are guided directly in the heaven of the machines and i just wonder sometimes. Where have all the flowers gone?
And we are sitting in this fat old country and we are talking about how decorating our rooms with a two meter high metal spiral and where is the best corner in this room? about how we have to cover the couch, it is better if it is one half lightred and one half darkred, and if yes, if the division should be vertical or horizontal?
we are completely serious in these discussions and we can talk about it for two hours. that s our nation. we are travelling in a new era between "biedermeier" and "decadence".
One of my friends believes in the change. we also have debates in the public-politics about poverty and following the statistics of the social division we can't hold this level of talking about our flat-configuration. And my friend is optimistic and thinks that in these times the next era will come, something has to move. and i agree with her that it is the only way to think because to imagine the whole stagnation in nosmoking areas where people smile your notion of a whole individual human away and try to adapt you like a perfect citizen is perhaps not all what i long for.
i prefer the barbarians (at least they will have a more interesting way to kill me)
where are we going to?
and i remember all my friends that are lost in the nets that are somewhere i don't know and that we are sitting all in our flats and everybody discusses his personal two meter decorationspiral. and everybody tries to become a two meter decorationspiral and that is our most difficult problem to solve. Juhu!
NEWS FROM GERMANY:
After this hard days night i surf in these nets which seem to stay eternal, at least during my small existence. and i ask where are we going in this case? going lost everywhere.... what is doing my country?
everybody speaks about the no-smoking places. and everybody seems to care of the poor non-smokers. RTL asks his public if they want no-smoking places and 70 percent affirm. It is good. Good and i drink on the health.
Continuing my research in the net. Finding blogs were poor 'Bernie' justifies with this voting his argumentation that the politicians should accept the will of the 'volk'. the people decide. It is nice.
And it is nice that i find in my email account the newsletter of a culture-news broadcast. New information: the politicians are discussing the prohibition of smoking in theatre and cinema. So perhaps we will get warnings in the future like : "Don't think Alain Delon is an idol because he smokes in this scene a cigarette".
I get fear in this country and perhaps i am exactly reacting like they want. It is what Doctor Mabuse aimed at claiming his power of a crime organisation: we have to construct a crime structure. By fear and terror we will gain power.
I am already very frightened and it would be stupid to make a quotation of 1984. but we are already in, and everybody knows. but who cares? not me! only today looking through the net and wondering how people can discuss about the prohibition of minorities.
because here, everybody has to become a clean human being. the clean consists in a healthy character. and of course we should be friendly to our neighbours, and please say the suitable things to your neighbour, otherwise his assurance could ring on your door if he dies of colorectal carcinoma that was caused by your stressing behaviour.
We are guided directly in the heaven of the machines and i just wonder sometimes. Where have all the flowers gone?
And we are sitting in this fat old country and we are talking about how decorating our rooms with a two meter high metal spiral and where is the best corner in this room? about how we have to cover the couch, it is better if it is one half lightred and one half darkred, and if yes, if the division should be vertical or horizontal?
we are completely serious in these discussions and we can talk about it for two hours. that s our nation. we are travelling in a new era between "biedermeier" and "decadence".
One of my friends believes in the change. we also have debates in the public-politics about poverty and following the statistics of the social division we can't hold this level of talking about our flat-configuration. And my friend is optimistic and thinks that in these times the next era will come, something has to move. and i agree with her that it is the only way to think because to imagine the whole stagnation in nosmoking areas where people smile your notion of a whole individual human away and try to adapt you like a perfect citizen is perhaps not all what i long for.
i prefer the barbarians (at least they will have a more interesting way to kill me)
where are we going to?
and i remember all my friends that are lost in the nets that are somewhere i don't know and that we are sitting all in our flats and everybody discusses his personal two meter decorationspiral. and everybody tries to become a two meter decorationspiral and that is our most difficult problem to solve. Juhu!
Hmm, an intriguing viewpoint, indeed! (Thanks for all the typing :-))
But aren't those debates really present? A quick search on imdb.com gives a film called 'Wut' for example.
But aren't those debates really present? A quick search on imdb.com gives a film called 'Wut' for example.
# posted by 
: 6:17 am
: 6:17 am
Hi nyul! Long time no see..
"
What are we waiting for, gathered here in the agora?
The barbarians are supposed to show up today.
Why is there such indolence in the senate?
Why are the senators sitting around, making no laws?
Because the barbarians are supposed to show up today.
Why should the senators trouble themselves with laws?
When the barbarians arrive, they’ll do the legislating.
Why has our emperor risen so early this morning,
and why is he now enthroned at the city’s great gate,
sitting there in state and wearing his crown?
Because the barbarians are supposed to show up today.
And the emperor is waiting there to receive
their leader. He’s even had a parchment scroll
prepared as a tribute: it’s loaded with
all sorts of titles and high honors.
Why have our two consuls and praetors turned up
today, resplendent in their red brocaded togas;
why are they wearing bracelets encrusted with amethysts,
and rings studded with brilliant, glittering emeralds;
why are they sporting those priceless canes,
the ones of finely-worked gold and silver?
Because the barbarians are supposed to show up today;
And such things really dazzle the barbarians.
Why don’t our illustrious speakers come out to speak
as they always do, to speak what’s on their minds?
Because the barbarians are supposed to show up today,
and they really can’t stand lofty oration and demagogy.
Why is everyone so suddenly ill at ease
and confused (just look how solemn their faces are)?
Why are the streets and the squares all at once empty,
as everyone heads for home, lost in their thoughts?
Because it’s night now, and the barbarians haven’t shown up.
And there are others, just back from the borderlands,
who claim that the barbarians no longer exist.
What in the world will we do without barbarians?
Those people would have been a solution, of sorts.
"
/C.P. Cavafy: waiting for the Barbarians /
This was just a fast response. i'll speak at agora soon.
"
What are we waiting for, gathered here in the agora?
The barbarians are supposed to show up today.
Why is there such indolence in the senate?
Why are the senators sitting around, making no laws?
Because the barbarians are supposed to show up today.
Why should the senators trouble themselves with laws?
When the barbarians arrive, they’ll do the legislating.
Why has our emperor risen so early this morning,
and why is he now enthroned at the city’s great gate,
sitting there in state and wearing his crown?
Because the barbarians are supposed to show up today.
And the emperor is waiting there to receive
their leader. He’s even had a parchment scroll
prepared as a tribute: it’s loaded with
all sorts of titles and high honors.
Why have our two consuls and praetors turned up
today, resplendent in their red brocaded togas;
why are they wearing bracelets encrusted with amethysts,
and rings studded with brilliant, glittering emeralds;
why are they sporting those priceless canes,
the ones of finely-worked gold and silver?
Because the barbarians are supposed to show up today;
And such things really dazzle the barbarians.
Why don’t our illustrious speakers come out to speak
as they always do, to speak what’s on their minds?
Because the barbarians are supposed to show up today,
and they really can’t stand lofty oration and demagogy.
Why is everyone so suddenly ill at ease
and confused (just look how solemn their faces are)?
Why are the streets and the squares all at once empty,
as everyone heads for home, lost in their thoughts?
Because it’s night now, and the barbarians haven’t shown up.
And there are others, just back from the borderlands,
who claim that the barbarians no longer exist.
What in the world will we do without barbarians?
Those people would have been a solution, of sorts.
"
/C.P. Cavafy: waiting for the Barbarians /
This was just a fast response. i'll speak at agora soon.
# posted by : 5:42 pm
: 5:42 pm
yes they are present and of course the "wut" theme is also a modern problem, because: germany like multicultural nation- there are a lot of different opinions about how this could work. but the normal society is not really interested in it except if they project the general problems on the foreigners... but it is hard and perhaps so banal to express this feeling what one sometimes has, looking on the more and more watching state, making you transparent, making restrictions in the public space, people get more and more in their small corners... nem tudom.
hey nana (you franchize and perhaps you are already a the "nana" from emile zola?) sun or snowwishes to the other side of austria
hey nana (you franchize and perhaps you are already a the "nana" from emile zola?) sun or snowwishes to the other side of austria
i haven't forget to speak but i'm always tired or "unable" when i get to my blog
maybe tomorrow or after i will make my move, and wipe out ..eh. write out my thoughts.
keep breathing lads and ladies AND...
be vigilant!
and, fellows.
nana is my female-ized counterpart, unfortunately she is male also. well-sounding nicks won't change anything...huphup
(wv: fsfer)
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maybe tomorrow or after i will make my move, and wipe out ..eh. write out my thoughts.
keep breathing lads and ladies AND...
be vigilant!
and, fellows.
nana is my female-ized counterpart, unfortunately she is male also. well-sounding nicks won't change anything...huphup
(wv: fsfer)
# posted by : 12:15 am
: 12:15 am<< Home
